Why Do They Run (From Relationships)?
Have you ever been in a relationship and after a few weeks you feel things have been progressing pretty well?
You're starting to fall for this person and maybe they're even beginning to talk about a future together, then suddenly, without warning, you sense they go a bit colder; their responses are shorter and more spread out, they may not carry on the conversation and may not make as much effort to contact you or hang out with you. Then a few days or weeks later, they unexpectedly break up with you, leaving you feeling pretty confused and emotional.
I have a few friends going through breakups like this at the moment and I have been through a few myself in the past.
It can always be hard dealing with heartache and heartbreak. Not to mention, analysing everything that you said and did over the course of the relationship that may have caused it to end.
A lot of the time, we replay parts of the relationship over in our head, thereby 1. creating an overly romanticised version of what the relationship was like (especially towards the end and 2. beating ourselves up for every "mistake" we may have made that could possibly, maybe, have led to this breakup.
Sometimes there is no explanation and by continuing to analyse the situation and search for a reason, we only cause ourselves more pain. Something I have heard multiple times is the term "run". As in, they "run" from the relationship - a few weeks into the relationship when all seems to be going well, suddenly they "run".
Tonight, when talking to a friend, once again, the terminology of "running" from a relationship came up in conversation, I began to think about what this "running" concept might really mean...
As I mentioned above, we tend to spend time after a break-up scouring through our actions throughout the relationship, looking for signs or reasons as to why the break-up occurred. Trying to explain it to ourselves and understand it.
We look for what may have caused them to "run".
Perhaps, we need to more consciously ask ourselves what we run from within ourselves; what parts of us do we not want to face? What parts of us do we not want the world to see? From what parts of ourselves do we run?
Romantic and intimate relationships, by nature, are designed to act as a mirror; uncovering and bringing to our awareness certain parts of ourselves - such as fears and insecurities - that we need to work on in order to evolve and to become the person we need to be in order to attract and remain in the fulfilling and passionate relationship most of us seek. In this way, romantic and intimate relationships bring to the surface the parts of ourselves with which we are, perhaps, not so comfortable, or parts that we love a little less than others. Fears, insecurities and limiting belief and behavioural patterns are all brought to the surface and brought to our awareness so we have the opportunity to learn, grow and change.
I pose this theory: maybe we, ourselves, are the ones who "run" from relationships.
When these more challenging parts of us are highlighted in the relationship, maybe fear kicks in, maybe the uncomfortability is too much for us to take. Maybe we begin to "run" from those parts of ourselves being exposed and therefore "run" from the relationship - consciously or unconsciously - as that is the trigger for these feelings and challenges arising. Maybe it is independent of the other person (or people) in the relationship. Maybe it was nothing that we said or did that made the other person pull away or "run from us", but rather that we "ran" from showing up in our own vulnerable state for fear of being rejected or unloved for the parts of ourselves from which we "run"!
So I pose to you this question:
From what parts of yourself are you running? I believe if we can be honest with ourselves when answering this question and do the self-work to acknowledge our fears and insecurities and to become aware of them, this may help us to stop running from them and to stop running from people and situations that trigger them - such as romantic and intimate relationships.
I also offer you the below 3 tips for attracting a relationship you love and that is passionate and fulfilling for all parties involved.
1. List the Qualities You Want in a Partner I first found Feng Shui when I was looking for love around 10 years ago. At this time, a friend of mine introduced me to (the magical manifesting powers of) Feng Shui. She gave me some tips for my Relationship sector and also told me to write 2 lists; one of everything I want in a partner and one of everything I don't want. However, knowing more about the law of attraction now, I recommend only writing a list of what you want. Do physically write out the list, as well as the tools listed in tips 2 and 3 below.
By writing down what you don't want, you are still attracting that into your experience. I suggest venturing a bit deeper than just looks and personality traits; think about what kind of values this person has, about what they want in life, how they treat people - how they treat you. Think about what you really want in a relationship and the kind of person who can provide that for you and live up to those standards.
2. Create and Write Out a Detailed Relationship Vision Be as detailed and as specific as possible. What activities do you do together? What interests do you share? What do you say to each other? How do you make love and show love? What do you both seek in life and in the relationship? Again, be as detailed and specific as possible. I have certainly found from experience that the Universe will provide what you want - but not always in the form you expect. The more clear you can be on what your ideal relationship looks like, the more quickly and easily you will attract it into your life.
3. List the Qualities You Need to Have
Again, write a list of all the qualities you need to have in order to attract the things you wrote on the two previous lists. Who do you need to be to attract your ideal partner and ideal relationship? To what kind of person is your ideal partner attracted? What traits and values do you need to have? How do you need to show up? What do you need to do or remember in order to attract your ideal partner and ideal relationship into your life?
The law of attraction works in terms of vibration. You attract what you put out. So in order to attract what you want, you must be vibrationally aligned with it.
I am NOT saying go change yourself completely and become someone you don't like or recognise just to attract the person and relationship you want. I am saying draw out the parts of you that will attract the person and relationship to you and into your life. Draw on the parts of you that you love or that maybe you actually need to awaken. Place these 3 lists in the Relationship sector and let the magical manifesting begin!